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The best soup in All of History

6 Feb

So today I woke up at 7:45 am when my alarm went off, and quickly decided that my 9:30 am class was NOT happening, since I couldn’t  really lift my head off the pillow.

Four hours later, I finally got out of bed and into the shower, where I stared at the wall for five minutes. (The goal was to de-congest) I came out to the kitchen and stared at my bottle of Dayquil for a while and ultimately decided to forgo the orange syrup in favour of some…. *Chicken Noodle Soup.*

I knew I had some chicken broth somewhere, along with some old but serviceable egg noodles, and I figured the cooking time was worth it. Little did I know, my delirium would produce a veritable symphony of cooking inspiration, that ultimately created an unforgettable soup. * That symphony is documented below:

Step 1:

Shuffle into the kitchen, turn in circles for a bit. Get the chicken broth out of the cabinet, pour it in a large pot conveniently sitting on the stove. Turn on the burner on low.

Step 2:

Get the packet of noodles down from the cabinet. Pour some water in another pot, put that on the stove, and turn on the burner. Turn off that burner, and turn on the burner that is actually under the pot. Now you can sit down.

Step 3:

Get a few frozen chicken thighs out of the freezer and defrost in the microwave. Chop it into bite-sized chunks and put it in a frying pan with some olive oil left over from making quesadillas the night before. Hope it’s clean enough. Turn that burner on.

Step 4:

Try to cook the chicken chunks, get splattered with hot oil.

Step 5:

Get distracted by Netflix.


Step 6:

Hear the water boiling. Get off the couch and dump the noodles in. Forget to set the timer. Dump the chicken chunks  into the broth, add 2 cups water. Stir.

Step 7:

Stir. Add a ton of black pepper so that your stuffed-up nose can actually smell it. Run to the cabinet and get the cayenne pepper. Throw that shit in, too!

Damn, the noodles are probably overcooked.

Step 8:

Find a clove of garlic by the sink. Get out another cutting board and start mincing. Throw the garlic into the oil pan, fry Fry FRY!

Step 9:

Run back to the noodles. Drain into the sink, set aside. Back to the garlic! Start laughing quietly, and throw the garlic into the soup. Stir. Stir. Taste. Needs salt. Needs more spice. HaHAHAHAHAHA! Run to the freezer! Open the freezer and dig out the chunk of ginger, mince it up and toss it into the soup mix! Taste.

Step 10:

Pour those noodles into the soup, shake salt liberally into the pot.

Step 11:

Pour soup and noodles into a bowl, grab chopsticks and a spoon. Devour with the fervor of a hungry cheetah, but the taste sensations of a slug.

Realise that your  tongue and throat could be burning because of the spices, or because the soup is close to boiling.

Beat your chest like a territorial gorilla, sniff the air like a crazy-eyed mustang, run in circles and text your friends: “I JUST MADE THE BEST SOUP IN ALL OF HISTORYYYY!!!!!!”

Serves 1.

*This  soup is possibly (probably) not as great as I made it out to be, since my taste abilities are severely limited at the moment.